White Elephant Poop

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Every year at my work holiday party we play White Elephant. I always get a gift card for the event because I’ve been stuck with a mug and hot cocoa mix before and I can’t say that I was thrilled… not to offend anyone who loves mugs and hot cocoa. So, this year baby Jesus was smiling down upon me and I will tell you why. I happened to be in the lobby a few weeks ago when a client brought in a fecal sample from her pet for testing and she had put the sample inside Tupperware inside a bag inside of this lovely Christmas bag with tissue paper and all.

This was hardly the first time that a client has told me that they brought us a “present” when bringing in their pet’s shit. In fact, every time I hear that phrase in that situation I’m mildly annoyed because everyone seems to think that it is such a funny joke that they themselves came up with. This time however, I was amused. The thought sprung forth into my mind so suddenly, “I must use this bag to put my White Elephant gift in and not tell anyone it’s a poopy bag until the very end.”

I would just like to say at this point that the bag was completely clean and not compromised in any way. However, there is one person I work with that I knew would totally be disgusted by the poopy bag revelation and I also knew she likes Amazon a lot… you can imagine where I bought my gift card to this year. Still, there is so much chance involved in White Elephant, it was a long shot that she would end up with my gift… but she did… and that is the story of my best White Elephant experience to date. Merry Christmas everyone!

Goodbye Holidays

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I took down my Christmas decorations today. If you are as concerned about the look and, more importantly, the feel of your home as I am, the process can be bittersweet.

A friend of mine said something to me just before Christmas that I thought was interesting. I was at her house helping decorate her enormous tree and she said, “This year, the tree is going to only have gold decorations. A friend of mine who is an interior decorator said that decorating your Christmas tree can be simple and beautiful if you just pick a color and forget all the mismatched ornaments and nicknacks.” The gold tree really was simple and beautiful. I loved it. I thought to myself, maybe next year I’ll do pink.

Fuck that. As I took down each of my ornaments, I remembered the context in which I purchased or received those ornaments. I was sad that I would not be appreciating these weird little things for another year but I was happy that the temporality of them made them even more special. So, goodbye vintage porcelain Christmas tree and all the other mismatched ornaments and nicknacks… until next year!